So I was 3 months old. I had been living with a foster Mother. I have no recollection of her. Apparently she was lovely. She still has contact with my adoptive mother....more about my adoptive mother later. But i try to keep this is my blog, i try not to put her in unless she needs to be.
My birth mother had signed me over. My birth father had fought the process the whole way, he didn't want to give me up, to the point he had hardly shown up to any of the meeting with social services apparently.
My birth mother had 3 families to "choose" from to adopt me out to
Like i was a damn puppy in a pet shop. Here come along to our pet store, pick and choose from our selection, here we have a cute bubby with ginger hair, this is her background, here with a have a cute bubby with black hair...and so onThen there was me. I had my background history. This is me at 7 months old
There was my birth mother. New Zealand born....also adopted...huge background stuff...blablabla. Cant be bothered dragging her stuff up, she lives to close to me and i know one day she will get word of my blog if she hasn't already. Then theres my Birth Father. Irish born. Lost his parents at an early age. Has never had anything apparently. A bit like me. Ive never met him except when i was born obviously. I have photos and that's it. I dont know how i feel about him. Ive found him on Facebook but i go to contact him and freeze. The fear, the doubt, the pain. Nope, its too soon.
I will talk about them one day.
Back to when i was adopted. My adoptive parents decided I was "the one". Hilarious really. Silly they that didn't make that informed decision as now they say to me that deep down they regret it as when I hit puberty and got raped (more about that in another post) I developed problems and they didn't see it, or didn't want to.
So in they waltzed to pick me up from the social services offices or where-ever I was. I don't remember as you do when you're 3 months old. My adoptive mother says she saw a stripped sock first. That's what she fell in love with. 😒
The last thing she remember one of the social workers saying to her before she left is
This little girl is going to have issues when she grows up, she has huge trauma she got abandoned for too long and its scarred her.
What did my adoptive parents do? They wrapped me in bubble wrap from the world and did everything for me. Then when i got too hard at 10 stuck me away from everything, away from them in a boarding school where i got raped, then at 14 when i got asked to leave to sort my head because i got too sick and did bad things (more on that in a later post) I got put in a Psychiatric Ward in Switzerland for a year.
Yup been through it all and still going. I will never give up, because giving up has never been an option for me, since the very beginning.
Will post then next part I remember soon
Shan
xx
My voice within from the beginning
Hi sweetheart
ReplyDeleteI have been searching for you again,for a long time,I don't know where you are...I hope you are alright as I worry so much for you..
Yes I came accross your blog...
My heart is breaking for everything you have been through,it truly is.
If you need to know the truth about your adoption please contact me, before I do pass away...
You don't know what lead up to my decision..I won't put it here,no way..I need to see you alone..I always have.
How I enjoyed the fun we had in Australia when you met up with me..some crazy times too..
Now I'm not far from you as you know...I hope you don't leave to long as I'm pretty sick now.
I love you Shannon.
I always have.. always..and had your best interests at heart always...you have no idea...
I love your blog but it also saddens me too.
Well you have a birthday coming up soon...
I would love to see you for your birthday but it's up to you..
Where are you these days? Are you safe and happy?
You will always be my sweet baby...you have no idea
Happy birthday Shannon for your upcoming birthday..
When I last was in hospital and we texted each other,it was awesome then you never contacted me again...
I have the same phone number..
Miss you..love you.. always...
Mum xoxo