Well back into it....after the last few days of crap being thrown at me I thought I'd distract myself and blog more about myself..gotta do something therapeutic and heal myself when Mental Health workers go on strike and walk off the job...more about that depending on how things go in my life but yup that's how
fantastic the Government handle things in this country.
So I was 3 months old. I had been living with a foster Mother. I have no recollection of her. Apparently she was lovely. She still has contact with my adoptive mother....more about my adoptive mother later. But i try to keep this is my blog, i try not to put her in unless she needs to be.
My birth mother had signed me over. My birth father had fought the process the whole way, he didn't want to give me up, to the point he had hardly shown up to any of the meeting with social services apparently.
My birth mother had 3 families to "choose" from to adopt me out to
Like i was a damn puppy in a pet shop. Here come along to our pet store, pick and choose from our selection, here we have a cute bubby with ginger hair, this is her background, here with a have a cute bubby with black hair...and so on
Then there was me. I had my background history. This is me at 7 months old
There was my birth mother. New Zealand born....also adopted...huge background stuff...blablabla. Cant be bothered dragging her stuff up, she lives to close to me and i know one day she will get word of my blog if she hasn't already. Then theres my Birth Father. Irish born. Lost his parents at an early age. Has never had anything apparently. A bit like me. Ive never met him except when i was born obviously. I have photos and that's it. I dont know how i feel about him. Ive found him on Facebook but i go to contact him and freeze. The fear, the doubt, the pain. Nope, its too soon.
I will talk about them one day.
Back to when i was adopted. My adoptive parents decided I was "the one". Hilarious really. Silly they that didn't make that informed decision as now they say to me that deep down they regret it as when I hit puberty and got raped (more about that in another post) I developed problems and they didn't see it, or didn't want to.
So in they waltzed to pick me up from the social services offices or where-ever I was. I don't remember as you do when you're 3 months old. My adoptive mother says she saw a stripped sock first. That's what she fell in love with. 😒
The last thing she remember one of the social workers saying to her before she left is
This little girl is going to have issues when she grows up, she has huge trauma she got abandoned for too long and its scarred her.
What did my adoptive parents do? They wrapped me in bubble wrap from the world and did everything for me. Then when i got too hard at 10 stuck me away from everything, away from them in a boarding school where i got raped, then at 14 when i got asked to leave to sort my head because i got too sick and did bad things (more on that in a later post) I got put in a Psychiatric Ward in Switzerland for a year.
Yup been through it all and still going. I will never give up, because giving up has never been an option for me, since the very beginning.
Will post then next part I remember soon
Shan
xx
My voice within from the beginning