My day of being on my own roller coaster and going too fast

Today I had to go to Work and Income today. For those of you who don't live in New Zealand, its like this place in America

Americas place of nightmares in my opinion

I'm not unemployed by choice. I would love to work. I would love something to focus on that isn't my head 24/7, 365 days a year. I wake up its there, i go to sleep its there. I try to do mindfulness, it works, but then it comes back.

I went into Work and Income today to get some help to pay for some bills. I had 3 ambulance bills, i had a childcare bill for my bub, I had a after hours Dr bill...why bore you guys with the details....

The lady there...she might as well have been sent from the freezer that morning. I mentioned I had mental health problems...that was it for her. I had bought my soul mate with me. I had all the forms, i had spoken to the right people to know how to behave in this place of governement policies a mile high.....

At this point i honestly don't know what to say that can describe how badly this meeting went.

She wouldn't listen to a thing myself or my soul mate said. Apparently in the offices we are not even allowed to raise our voices or we get evicted on the spot from the building by 2 security officers and trespassed for 2 years  from the Branch. I had informed myself about this before meeting so i didn't do that. When i told her that she smiled and quite loudly said "Yup!"

I got nowhere with that meeting, but I have certainly put in a complaint about her. Because one thing I'm learning from this horrible roller coaster of this year. If you get treated badlyby someone who thinks they are in power 

Speak out because nothing is going to change if you don't actually say anything about it


Don't be scared of them. They are just people who are in powerful positions. You just need to be willing to pick up the phone and be brave enough to say no I'm not going to accept being treated like dirt by this person.

If they don't listen, don't stop till they do. This is why this song today playing is called Focus on me. Its dedicated to all those who have kept quiet when they should of said something when treated unfairly by people in power. No matter where you live, what county...America...Africa...Spain...Europe...if you feel unfairly treated

SPEAK OUT BECAUSE ONLY YOU CAN CHANGE YOURSELF

💖💕

Shan
xx


My song for today

A huge bump in the ride

I ended up in our after hours hospital today. I woke up this morning with a a Bladder Infection. For those of you who don't understand what it is it basically means i had bacteria in my urine. I had thrush too. Ive had so many thrush attacks in the last 3 months I've lost count. Ive had them in my mouth and down "below".

Today i woke up and couldn't stop going to the toilet. I noticed the signs, as a woman we usually know if we have a UTI ( we even shorten it), well I do anyway. I increased my fluids heaps but still felt really yucky. My cat was stuck to my side, it was annoying, this is him today

I had my toddler running around so I added coconut water to my water but just couldn't stomach much food so nibbled on food and kept my baby going, he happily played with cars and ran around all day destroying my house as usual. Must just do this mum thing instinctively like all parents. high five to all parents for the hardest job ever!

Fast forward cause you don't need the details...my soul mate comes home from work and i had consulted dear old Dr Google. 

• Nausea.
• Vomiting.
• Loss of appetite.
• Fatigue and weakness.
• Sleep problems.
• Changes in how much you urinate.
• Decreased mental sharpness.
• Muscle twitches and cramps.

So I'm home from after hours now. It wasn't a easy time. The wait in itself was rough. There was 2 toddlers there. Both of them were sick , i felt so sorry for them, my empathy went overboard, which made me stress out which made the pain worse.

Finally got through to the Dr. 

Poked, prodded, swabbed with stuff etc. This Dr was called in because there wasn't enough Dr's on, so i did feel sorry for her, then she didn't actually realise how complex i am. She didn't realise how many meds I'm on.

Finally got my diagnosis...or what she thinks might be wrong

I may have Kidney Disease

I just thought i was sore, or that i was wearing the wrong bra or had the wrong posture...maybe i was wrong.

Shan

xxx

Song I'm listening to during writing this Blog

A quick post as i struggle through the witching hour

I'm not well, my body is playing up. My liver is crashing and I feel like I'm battling it alone with just my soul mate and my kids in my life.

Yesterday i had a huge fight in hospital just to get some pain relief. It dragged me straight back to my suicide attempt. I guess maybe my liver cant handle all the medicine its getting thrown at it. Good lesson for all you guys reading my blog.

LOOK AFTER YOUR BODY YOU ONLY HAVE THE ONE TREAT IT WELL

This is the song I'm listening to after putting my kids to bed. I will put up a Blog post later, but I felt like I needed to get this out.

How I'm feeling right now

Shan
xxxx